A Need to Vent Post

This week has been a whirlwind for me as I left a job that I know how to do and love doing to make a better schedule for family and myself. This weekend I have been super stressed and overwhelmed and have been trying to cope with what is going on. I never intended to leave my job for another, the opportunity just arose and after much debate I knew what I had to do. This post is more for me than anything else. I have struggled with being a good parent and having the energy I need to do a better job.

Did you know:

•For every additional hour worked over 40, the odds that a parent will express concern about the effect of long hours on his or her family and personal lives increases by 7 percent. Found  here
 
I came across this after I had resigned and it is crazy thatwas me when I was challenged with long hours. Like, and yet unlike, so many others my day starts usually before 6 a.m. Not only do I get myself fed and dressed and ready in less than 2 hours but I get two kids dressed and delivered to daycare w/ diapers/nap mats/breakfast/etc.. Shaun is here to help but let me say that even w/ two of us it is a mere miracle that we get it all together. The dogs need to be fed, the trash to be taken to the curb, occasional flat tires and a few unnecessary tantrums. It is chaos. Then I work 8-9 hours and go back to get the kids, get them home, and work on the rest of the evening. By 9 p.m. my day is finally over and I can relax. Just knowing that any of this schedule could be pushed back by an hour or more made me a wreck! Shaun has to work 50 hours at least a week so I can't even get into his schedule.

It doesn't help that I am probably one of the best worryiers (I know I didn't spell that right) in the world. I want to be the best at everything.. my job, parenting, being a wife, etc.. that is impossible. And no one is criticizing my job but me. SO, to make a long story short, I am taking on a new, hopefully less stressful, position. It will challenge me but will have set hours with not many if any variations. And I know that is the right thing. At this point in life avoiding any new stresses is so important. I want the world for my boys and I can't do my part when I am a nervous wreck. They are going thru so many changes and I have to keep life as normal as we can make it.

These two guys keep me busy and I am a 24 hour lifeguard to them. I would be absolutely lost without them. They make my muscles weak and my head hurt, but they are what I wake up for every morning. Someday they will not need me so much and I will have the opportunity to put more into something else. I never thought parenting would take so much out of me, but in a good way. I always knew God wanted me to make a difference in peoples lives, but I always thought that would be strangers. Now I know he means these little guys too. They might not always do what I ask but somehow I think they will remember what I have said. I will be making personal sacrifices for the rest of my life and I have to be okay with that, as does any parent. Changing jobs has been one of those sacrifices, and I am 100% at peace with it and hope  I will make my next employer happy. Thanks for reading my vent... it does help. While I am writing this I have been met every two or three minutes by a little hand needing something. It has taken me way longer than it should have, but that doesn't matter. Tomorrow is a new day, gotta get ready!